Saturday 6 June 2009

Nigerian Chivalry.........

Definition of Chivalry--"The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women"

Heyy blogsville,
So I have been told that you all want more personal stories....inside scoop....basically GIST, chai my fans are AMEBO! But you know d customers are always right so here goes......
I was at a house party with my friend and it was one of those naija ones where the babez cook and the guys bring drinks etc. The birthday girl is known as mama cass because her food always tastes like some buca type sturvs, I mean there was moi-moi, efo, punded yam and freaking banga soup. The babe went all out men. You should all know that I am a lover of food, and I dont know how to form when it comes to grubs!
Sha back to the story, we went outside to sit on the porch to eat and there were these two guys standing and drinking, lets call them Stupid 1 and Stupid 2. So S1 goes ahead and introduces himself and starts making small talk. I am a friendly person so I respond and we were chatting about random things. The food was really hot and I started coughing and S1 is like haba, which kind of naija girl are you that you cant eat pepper? I was like what the hell, this food is burning, and which kind of statement is that?
You have to understand that the guy was really cocky and thought he was really funny, so he laughed at the end of each sentence he uttered. I was already getting mildly irritated but was like whatever, just indulge him. Now this is where any normal girl would have realised that he was a dumbass but I have this thing where I always like to psycho-analyse people and figure out why they are the way they are. My friend always says I have time to talk to losers but I just love conversing to all sorts of people!
Anyway back to the gist, the owner of the house comes round with a bin bag and starts to pick up the used plates on the floor in an attempt to clear up. As I was sat down on the sofa and thus near the floor, I picked up the ones around me and passed it to the guy. So S1and S2 are standing next to my sofa surrounded by dirty plates and they are just standing there with thier hands in thier pockets while I am picking up the plates.
So I was like could you please pass those plates to the guy?
The guy looked down to the floor and then back at me and was like nah, ITS TOO FAR!
In my mind I was like this guy has got to be kidding, he must really think he's hilarious.
I was like dude, be serious, the guy is trying to clear up a bit, the house is a mess, just be a gentleman and pass the plates.
He looks down again and then back at me and was like nah, I CANT BE BOTHERED! He must have spotted the irritated look on my face and so he replied, "dont worry, they'll clear up when we are gone, I mean its a party, the house is meant to get dirty.
I was too shocked to respond, but the disgusted look on my face kept prompting him to reply with each sentence sounding stupider than the previous.

He was like"D'ya have some sort of OCD or something, are you one of those super-freakishly clean housewives"?
This is me that my mum is threatning to send me to etiqette school because am so untidy., I just happen to have MANNERS, you know that acient thing that you obviously were never brought up with. It is defined as "ways of behaving with reference to polite standards and social comportment" that obliges you to do or not do certain things. I get irritated by people like this, and he could tell and was deriving pleasure from getting me worked up.
He decided to add the cherry on top by saying "if it bothers you so much, why dont you get up and pick up the plates yourself (you guys have to understand that the plates were literally touching this guys shoes oh!)
........I mean you women are always arguing for equal rights......I dont have to be a gentleman anymore......." and on and on poured the verbal diarrhea that was supposed to be his argument for why men do not need to act like gentlemen since we are all equal. As he was saying this, he moved aside and slided the plates towards me with his foot, while his friend S2 (who was South African, so its not a purely Naija thing), stood there laughing his head off and nodding in agreement.

I WAS FUCKING PISSED! But I knew there was no point arguing with a cave-man unless you want to communicate by jumping up and down while scratching your ass and picking your nose. I am a huge feminist, (but not one of those I dont need a man types), so this kinda of talk gets me soooo freaking worked up.
I just picked up the plates in slience and went to throw it in the trash, while he stood there with this neanderthal grin on his face, like he had just succeded in putting another over-zealous/over-educated woman in her rightful place.
Do you know the wrost part? This dumbass has the audacity to ask me for my number? I was awestruck at his nerve. I did not know weather to laugh or go upside his head.
Why in the world would I give you my number when you are obviously a world-class jerk? I said
Oh come-on, you know I was only joking now, but you know how you jand girls are now, always trying to prove stubborn, your ITK is too much, so I just had to let you know I am not one of those your moomoo guys that you can take for a ride, me I am a real MAN!
I was like WOW, how smooooth, do you use this line with all the ladies???
He was like, its worked well for me so far........
Chineke Meee ohhh!!! Osalobua Lahooo!!!! Olorun Obaa ohhh,!!!! which kind human being is this one??
He said, come on, you and I both know that all this feminist stuff is crap, you are a lady and so you should do certain things.......
At this point, I was like, dude, I have to go ohh....
Ah ahn, how far with that number now.....
All I said was that just remember that first impressions make a huge impact on person's perspective of you.........and from my first impression of you, I would not recommend you to my wrost enemy........and with that I turned around and packed my things and left!(yes I know I love melodramatic one-liners lool).
But on a more serious note, what is up with Nigerian so called "educated" men and thier barbaric mentality, and lack of manners? I mean even if you exhibit such behaviour at home, you must never display such amidst people you just meet. I meet so many Naija boys and they lack simple acts of respect such as saying "please", "thank you", helping out with little chores, letting the lady walk ahead and opening doors. It is these little things that tell us apart.

And NO it is not asking for too much from an african man. My brothers, my cousins, my uncles and a number of my good guy-friends display classic examples of good-upbringing. They never get tired of opening doors, carrying heavy stuff and showing total respect. They do not talk down to women, or expect to treated like semi-gods simply because they own a penis. This does not emasculate them in any way, rather it shows signs of a man who is confident enough in himself without having to re-assure himself, the society and his woman who the man is. Respect is reciprocal and is earned, so a woman will respect you if you show her the same level you expect to recieve.
What I do not understand is that black women are brought up from a young age to accept the fact that men can get away with anything simple because they are men. This means that from a young age they are told that your younger brother is more important, is the opara, even though he stupider than you, his word is law. So they naturally give men respect even though they neither earn nor deserve it. So why do black men constantly need to reassure women that they should be given respect even though our women naturally do??? How many cases do we hear of when a black man will put his black woman through but as soon as he gets with a woman of another race cannot try half of the rubbish with her? It is the way we are brought up.
This type of scenario at the party is always a shock to me because I grew up in a household where the women were treated softly and the men harshly. My brothers dared not cross the girls because if we told dady, he would always take the side of the girls. So many times I would beat up my brother for no reason, and he would not dare report, but they could never lay a finger on me or even raise thier voice because my dad would not hear of it. He taught my brothers that women should be treated with more respect than men because they were women, full stop.
So everytime I seem shocked when I come across chauvanistic men, my friends always look at me like chai this girl were you not raised in the same Nigeria that we all are? It is a man's world, the earlier you accept it, the better for your blood pressure.
Knowing how stubborn I am, I guess I am going to die from high blood-pressure!! LoL!
Miss B


  1. I give you hand o jare! Naija women do not have to accept that nonsense 'it is a man's world', that is what is holding us back o.

  2. Quite frankly.... Much as I'd like to believe these dudes behaviors are an abberation, unfortunately its not.... and its symptomatic of all the things wrong with the world today..

    MY parents taught me, that if someone went the distance to provide you food, the least you should do is to clear the dishes.....

  3. seriously at a point i felt like slapping him for you mscheww!

    If only marrying cousins was allowed, i for marry my cousin naa!
    i seriously dunno what is up with our men oh! didn't they go to the same school as the males from my family?

    i no fit take trash from nobody....

  4. I agree with naija shawty,is that guy serious???
    And he expects that u wld give him ur number afta actin like a fool.
    I love what u sed to him,he really needed it.

  5. Omo, You just roused the upset beast in me that i hadjust managed to put to sleep. I watched a Yoruba movie, Aye Olomokan and the men you described would fit right in with the male character...useless and not worth their oxygen.

  6. LOL.............Miss B nyc ryt up,though i wldnt condone nor glorify S1 and S2's attitude,am a guy as well and know what was goind thru their brains ryt den (he probaly felt inferior)...But bliv me stubborn guls like you :), also need to understand that you dnt always ve 2 gt things your way simply because you are a girl.

    This is a mans world and the issue of equality is non-existent

    S1 could have taught you that in sme nxt polite manner...When next you see him tell him to call me up for extra morals.....

  7. @Anonymous...Why are you hiding now? Equality is not the same as manners! Man's world ko man's world ni! Ill-mannered fools! When they are in their houses they can leave the dishes for housegirls but in somebody's house, in UK for that matter, you dare not try that trash. Mschewww! The owner of the house clearing the dishes was a guy anyway. If they feel inferior that is their problem, they ARE inferior anyway for acting like forest monkeys!

  8. i mentally slapped him when he slid the plate over to just saying..

  9. Her Royal Poshness took the words right out of my mouth! When you are OUTSIDE, you have to display a certain level of respect for other people and not treat them with disdain, in someones house where you are eating thier food, drinking thier alcohol, using thier dishes, listening to thier music and making a general nuisance of yourself, picking up the plates is not an unreasonable request! And as for anonymous, if its so much of a man's world, why do you need us so much? Why dont you pick up your own damn plates? hisss, pure backward talk!

  10. Oh : I just went for a course and all the sheikh was like it doesnt even have to be equality its equity!!!!!! I'm also feminist but wheneva there's something like clearing up to do /picking someething heavy up- I stand back and allow the brothers to do it! And most of the time its sooo obvious I'm intentionally standing back! And the last time an asian friend was like why are yo ustanding back : i replied. Since I'm in a room full of a hundred and one guys, I refuse to carry tables and chairs around. One of the guys heard looked back and said : please leave it! That's what I call well mannered not those that will start up argument about why they have to do it. Which is why marrying that Arab wouldnt be such a bad idea - All i have to do is point the things out : he pays, he carrys!!!

  11. So happy to see this. I agree that it's only insecure, 'bush' men that act that way. Btw, comments from the guys?

  12. The guy is very raze to begin with and not worth talking with. Glad he got no number cos he didn't deserve one in the first place. It is sad to encounter one but very sad cos the majority of Nigeirian men have been prone to believe that women are second class citizens and deserve nothing. I don't blame you for acting the way you did.

    Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.

  13. I guess the only way we can cure this madness in our Nigerian society is by educating the younge ones earlier when born.

  14. @ Her royal Poshness, am not hiding, everyone know who i am,..i am not saying equality is teh same as manner but you need to understand that equality comes alongside manner.......Like i said, i am not saying whta them guys did is ryt, but it still does not change the fact that we living in a mans George Orwell said " all man are equal but some are more equal than the other"....

  15. @ miss B, I need to like exhaust my options properly before I draw up that contract: see that was why the chinese man had to be born/bred somewhere far away from china lol! Because the chinese sexist just as are indians, bangladeshi, french, german and so on. So yep: u have to like weigh the sexism and the other options - so hmmmm... Australian/canadian chinese or an arab or ... U know!

  16. I have I feeling I know who anonymous is and if I catch you ehn.......! Just because its a man's world does not mean that you should lack manners, simple courtsey takes nothing away from you! And fatee who is to say chinese, arabian or canadian men are not just as bad???

  17. @miss b That is why I have just left him there. By reference to George Orwell he has called men animals (how sad because not all of them are). We ladies just have to put our feet down and turn away from such primeval creatures.

  18. Uhm.. Miss b... at this point i must duff my hat to u... (Onyibi disagrees) heres what Onyi Bi woulda did to that pansy... as i bend down to pick the plate close to his shoe... Onyi Bi would have emotied the contnts on his shoes quietly, then she woulda picked another plate and emptied it on his shirt with a sweet smile... then i would have said politely... now u look like the caveman you act like... then cleared the plates... humming sweetly all the while... muah

  19. new to your blog and I love it!