Sunday 21 March 2010


Hi y'all,
Its been a while I actually wrote an article, so I am back with a topic that angers me alot. I was reading the blog Black man V Black woman and he was talking about Gabby Sidibe and the whole concept of women and beauty. It was in reference to the video by some retard called Howard Stern below:

"Her body of course, has been the subject of much controversy. And many are still mad about what Howard Stern said about her a week ago. Many in response to his criticism to her said that Gabourey was beautiful, hell even sexy. As I read about this I wanted to laugh, but then I realized the power behind the message. These women were telling us, who we are attracted to, who we find sexy. As a man I felt this was wrong. However, when I spoke to women about it and I said "She's not good looking." Many responded by saying "What if someone said that about your sister or your mother?" Women like to keep everything equal. They know that if men can ostracize one ugly woman, they can ostracize several, so they lift one up, and fight against men who will put her down, for their sake, since they know that their looks will not last, and they might one day be in the same shoes as a Precious.

We as men are incapable of doing the same, we know who is ugly. Notorious B.I.G. made a career of calling himself fat and ugly. No woman could do the same for an elongated period of time. As I said earlier, women do not want to be referred to in a negative light. When it comes to beauty, a woman's most valued commodity, it is essential that she have it. Even though she might be intelligent, wealthy, charming, peaceful etc, if she has no beauty in the perception of society, she will be useless. However, when she lacks beauty, a new beauty must be put in place, we call that beauty inner-beauty. Inner-beauty in fact is purer than the typical beauty, or at least that is what we are made to believe. In reality, a woman's inner beauty is needed when she lacks external beauty, it is used as a separate power to make women feel useful. And women in general will not let men take that away, since it is indeed necessary that women feel useful to embrace their existence."

This is a very well written piece about an issue that we all tend to differ on. Unfortunately, for a woman, beauty is considered more important than any other quality that she may have. From young girls playing with dolls, watching disney princesses and getting dressed up, we are taught that as a girl, your looks are vital, and kepping it is an essential part of your life. If you are good looking, things in life will be easier for you, you can be a bitch, mean, uncaring and dumb but as long as you are hot, then its all good. But if you are ok looking, or dare I say it "ugly" then it is a law that you have to be "nice" to get half of what beauty will get you. Most of us have heard that "fat people are always nicer".

I have heard so many guys say "I cannot be seen with an ugly babe" or "I cannot stand fat girls oh, God forbid". Anyone who knows me, will know that this kinda talk boils my blood and will start an argument. Of course physical attraction is important, it is only human nature to like pretty things. I am not going to form like I don't like hot guys, Trey Songz, Usher and David Beckham are all constant features of my dreams!!!
But what I cannot stand is the double standards in the importance of beauty between men and women. If we are placing such a huge importance on beauty, then why don't we stress the importance of a guy being "hot". Its ALWAYS the girl shaaaaa, that has to be stunning to make it. Fuck that men.

Look at Biggy, Rick Ross, Jazzy Phizzile, Fat Joe, Snoop Dogg, Big Pun, Movado, Heavy D, and even Jay Z, they are all MEGA stars and they are all completely physically unattractive or "ugly". And it has never affected their success. Poor Gabby gets the break of her life, a fairytale that anyone would dream of, and all we can focus on is her weight and beauty or lack thereof. This kinda of double standards brings out the feminist in me. She did an amazing job in Precious, considering she this was her first ever acting role, and to be nominated next to Meryl Streep for an Oscar, is phenomenal. These are the kind of stories that we should be celebrating, stories that hardwork and hope pay off.

I have always been the kind of person that cannot tell you weather my friend is beautiful or not, because when I love someone, their physical flaws start to disappear. Same goes for when I do not like someone, even if they are stunning, I cannot see it because their characters are so ugly. I know it might sound like something out of a movie, but I do believe that everyone can be beautiful if they reflect it in their characters, and same goes for being ugly.

The fact that a "woman's inner beauty is needed when she lacks external beauty, it is used as a separate power to make women feel useful" is a truth that is very painful to acknowledge. I am not here to preach to anyone on why we should focus on inner beauty or whatever, that lecture will be left for my children and all those that are unfortunate enough to be my friends!

"One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see."
Gabourey Sidibe

Miss B


  1. Thank you for this post. i hate the whole double standard thing. i think gabby is a talented actress and yes we all see that she doesnt fit hollywoods standard of beauty but that doesnt stop her from being awesome.
    and Howard stern should be ashamed of himself!

  2. As u said 'human beings are conditioned to like pretty things.'

    However what can be done is to stop treating inner beauty as a consolation prize for lacking in external beauty. it is possible to have both especially as the former is cultivated and not based on genetics or a good plastic surgeon.

    Society's perceptions of what is attractive will change. note i said attractive; not beautiful (beauty remains in league with symmetry). During Marilyn Monroe's time bigger was better; now it's all about size zero. Attraction alters with geography: ranges from big bums in Africa to light eyes in India to plump lips in Britain.

    We remain our greatest critics and often i complain about a flaw that no one around me ever noticed. If you choose to accept that ur reflection is your reflection it frees up a lot of time to do other stuff- like yoga or blogging.
    P.S- love ur blog!

  3. I sort of agree with stern though..
    Snoop/Jay Z wud never form to be handsome or beautiul but i've noticed women doing that...
    Inwardly some of those women don't think that girl is that beautiful. Lets be honest

  4. So I was only gonna say no comment. Well said and all.
    Till I read Azazel's comment!
    You are so right for that. Most women don't think that the girl is beautiful.
    I personally think that those who "fight" for her when someone says she's ugly or fat or something only wants to look like a good person in the eyes of the man or anyone that commented.

    But - this post is soooo genuine I have no comments.
    On-point like a newly sharpened pencil

    she's beautiful because she can still find a dress in her size!
    Some fat people can't boast of that.
    Now I'm done :)

  6. Please feed it to them!They so don't get it..
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  7. Howard stern and his cohost in that show are plain rude and just looking for controversy. Gabby is a talented young lady and I wish her the best.

    I think double standards are here for now though on their slow way out.

  8. @Azazel, yes snoop dogg and dem do not form to be beautiful but then neither does she, she has gone on ANTP or anything, she just wants to act.
    @Moyo I think that comment is irrelevant, no one should really be commenting on her beauty anyway because she has not come to market herself as a beauty queen, shes an actress, why should she get attacked for being herself?

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  10. Thanks once again for commenting on the article and writing one in response to it.

    What Howard Stern said about her was actually true, but the problem was not what he said, but how he said it. Which is why Jamie Foxx didn't get as much backlash for saying that Gabby's next movie was going to be called "Notorious Precious."

    I've seen the girl in a lot of interviews, and I can tell she's a down to earth & energetic person. But to create an illusion of beauty for her, since I guess that is the only virtue women can possess in our society, is a disservice to her work as an artist, at the expense of raising the esteem of other women. That, I view, is highly immoral, even though it might appear just, when you look only from the surface.