Saturday 13 February 2010

After His First Love.......

"i don't care how long it takes
i don't mind, i'll sit and wait
till the sun goes down
and comes back up again
cuz you're the best thing in my life
without you it just ain't right
so take as long as you like
i'll still be waiting"


I wonder if Neyo was talking about a love gone sour?Knowing that poignant songs are all he ever sings, I think even my little niece would answer a yes to that question.

The circle of relationships and dating are tedious enough with all the issues that come with every boy meets girl story.

The added puzzle of dating a man fresh off the demise of his first major heartbreak is a herculean task to unravel. It comes with the added hassle of your insecurity, of the potential return to this love of his life, as well as the management of his healing process , from the scars left behind after Titanic sank,with you still coming off at the end as datable and not his new best pal.

I personally run east once I notice any signs of this situation, any form of wistfulness in the tone of his voice when referring to his ex,or excessive mention of her name regarding every topic,or extravagant requests and gestures still being granted to lil Miss "Created another insecure he will try to be a player" are tell tale signs for me to take a bow and exit. But I have been told my intolerance to mediocrity is my reason for being single.

To serve justice to open mindedness, I analyse the suggested reactions and tips to this situation that I have been offered. The first is to decline any further discussions of this past relationship. This advice came from my man eater friend Suliat. In fact I believe her exact reaction was:
"Lc, seriously? Why would u even tolerate a man talking to you about his ex. Honey she is out and you are in. He should be talking,eating,breathing you,unless you have not been putting your back to it"

Now I truly believe a relationship should start with open honest communication and stories of past relationships shared, often showcase a persons character and relationship mannerisms. The extent of details shared is subjective,however a persons past can not be taboo.

The second advice I received was to shower him with compliments and elevate his Ego. This advice I found difficult to implement, since my major attraction to men is their confidence. However upon further consideration and testimonials I found this to be a very positive and effective approach to the situation.

The third advice was to ensure a total and complete lack of similarities between your character/ mannerisms and that of the ex. Because the last thing you want to be is another woman's impersonator.
Now this, I completely agree with. So perfumes,dates,restaurants,fashion style,hair styles,sleeping arrangements,pet names and the works all have to be different. Never subject yourself to events or re-enactment of any memories that they shared.

My favourite piece of advice however was to take your time,cultivate a friendship first and trust your instincts. And never compromise on your self esteem or lower your expectations. This means if your instinct tells you he is not over his ex, he probably isn't, you are not just being paranoid.
Settle for a friendship and move on. You deserve to be another mans leading lady and not his best supporting actress.

By Miss L.C


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Suliat's comment - 'putting your back to it' is funny. she does have a point though.

    It's often said that "the first cut is the deepest". The first love thang is strong and in some cases never goes away. Unless the new rship is pretty tight, I'd thread carefully or vote with my feet.

    Interesting post.

  3. I agree with the various rules you oulined.. nice approach.. I have a personal problem and I have posted it on my blog cause I need advice... contribute yours at

  4. nice! very insightful....your instincts are always right most of the time...when u listen to it, you wont be sorry...sometimes i wish i listened to mine :-/

  5. Nice tips, very sensible too.

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