Thursday 3 December 2009

Precautionary Love.....

Heyy bloggsville,
Have you missed me? So before I start the subject of this post, I have to tell you something me that has had me cracking up at work. This might be a breach of confidentiality or something, but I just have to share it. In our names database you come across the funniest names ever, my faves are:

-Mariah Hooker

-Dick Longbottom

-Mr Posey

-John Scruedis

-Mr Hood

and a company called Superwinch Ltd.......Lmaooo!

But back to this gist, I was trying to hook my friend up with my cousin (yes i am a perpetual matchmaker), and she was asking the normal questions you would want to know when you are getting fixed up. Now she was all enthused about it, and willing to talk to him until she found out that he was muslim. Once this fact came out, she lost interest like a deflated baloon, and didnt even want to bother to get to know him anymore.

Now this is a something that I am noticing more and more with my friends, they are unwilling to get to even know a guy who doesnt have what they consider "social compatability". This is when you have a list of social factors that a person must have to even qualify for a relationship. It usually consists of age, race, religion, culture, education, nationality, beliefs, and even blood group. Some of these are more important than others, but the most common is religion.

It might be seem really hypocritical of me to comment on this as I have only ever dated muslim guys, BUT I have never intentionally chosen to only date people who are muslims, its just pure coincedence! I swear......but subconsciously a part of me it?

Anyway this isnt about me, but one of my friends, Oye is all for this precautionary love. She believes that why should you bother falling for a guy where you can forsee so many problems in the future?

Two of my best friends have broken up with guys that they were absolutely in love with because of religion. And in both cases, the women were willing to sacrifice their religion to be with the man, but the guys were not willing to and broke it off. This is because women are always more willing to compromise in relationships when they fall, so the logic is why put yourself in such a difficult situation in the first place.

Oye believes that emotions are one of those things that we can actually control, in this world where so many things are out of our hands. Even in relationships where you are a 100% compatible, there are over a million problems that could crop up. So why add on top of your worries?

So her theory is if you are getting to know someone and you have some major divides in social/cultural values that you are not willing to compromise in, then stop, before too much gets involves.

The key here is "willing to compromise". For some people, religion is not such a big issue, maybe being conservatice or labour is something that you are not willing to compromise on.

But my question is, do you prevent yourself from getting to know someone just because this? What if that person you do not want to give a chance because of a social reason turns out to be the love of your life??
What if you never get to know what true love means because you are not willing to open your heart to someone who doesn't fit into your ideal? I have never said that I could not be with a person because of their race, religion, culture or beliefs. I am a free spirit and believe that we can find love in the most unexpected places if we open our eyes and hearts. One of my fave movies is Something New because it tells the story of a closed minded woman who finds love after she frees her closed mind, so that when she does find what she thought she wanted, it does not bring her the joy that she was so sure it would.

Now this type of love is always more difficult, more complicated, and will be socially frowned upon. Just last week, my dad was hinting that he would like all his children to marry yorubas. Me and my bro laughed our heads off cause we both knew that was never going to happen. Yes, it is alwayes harder, to try and understand others, accept each other's beliefs and priorities, but that extra difficultly just might be worth it.

I think that we, as Nigerian women especially, can be so closed minded sometimes. Naija guys are more willing to date any colour or type as girl as long as they like her, and I think that we need to give this a try. We definately need to try Something New........


Miss B.


  1. Love it!!!
    I think i'll take my chance with loving someone dearly and not ever finding true love than me seeing the strain on a relationship before it is even born, yet ignoring it and becoming mentally unstable wen i hit 40!!!lol

  2. good question ur subconciousness asks... is it?
    like you i have only dated muslim guys... i keep wondering whats gonna happen if i meet and really like a christain guy because am not the compromising type
    and then i go
    i never let myself fall in too deep
    if hes not

    as open as we claim to be
    theres that part of us thats programmed to do 'right'
    if i may use that word

  3. Some of these precautions are totally ingrained in us through socialisation, there's very little we can do about it. But you're right we have to try. I thought I would marry from my ethnicity but I tried something new and found true love.

  4. Lol i was just saying it to..
    I would date anybody regardless of their religion, race etc..
    We are called to love every human being regardless of their religion or race..

  5. i think it's a very nice question and good to know that you are thinking it...

    honestly, i've learned not to judge a book by it's cover...i get to know someone and if i forsee problems, i just detach myself emotionally and move with the person as a friend and nothing more...i like this!

  6. Ha!
    Mariah hooker indeed!
    Heard about something new but yet to watch it,would love to soon!

  7. Religion is a big one for many people out there...but hey they need to be more open minded no doubt,yea*

  8. no. religion is somethign serious to everyone. its not just something u can ignore like skin color or even culture. it affects someones entire world view (unless of course ur someone who has no religion or isnt very serious about religion at all). religion is what u turn to when things go bad and what u need for things to turn good. in church ur taught, when god is at the center of ur marriage, there's nothing u cant do. so imagine then u marry someone who doesnt want to put God at the center of ur relationship. maybe he doesnt even believe in god. to be honest, i dont know how or why u wld fall in love with someone who doesnt see eye to eye with u on at LEAST religion. everything else can differ, language, politics, skin...but FAITH? FAITH is real.