Thursday, 8 December 2016

10 years without you...

Dear Bisola,

    I cannot believe that yesterday has been ten years since you left us. I still remember how I felt on learning that you weren't going to be here anymore. I was in my room in Nixon court in Leicester when Dad called me to to abruptly break it to me. In fact, I always remember the day you left as the 10th because you had been buried a few days before they made the call.

I always wished I got a chance to say a proper goodbye. Our last conversation was a regular one other than the fact that you had been a bit ill. I remember you telling me that Arif had started driving and had taken the car around the hospital and you were all excited and scared at the same time. Regular conversation, no inclination that it would be our last.

I also remember the last time we spent time together. It has made me believe firmly that nothing happens by accident. For some reason, the boys were not able to come to the U.S for the summer holidays. Only you and I spent that time together, in New York, Maryland and then London. It was the longest time we had spent together, just the two of us. I don't remember all the details except us laughing at our Uncle Shola and asking which kind of uncle is this that is so playful? I remember us bumping to Nelly Furtado's song Mysterious Girl in his car and loving it. He would then switch it to Sunny Ade or Wasiu and we would squeal in frustration at him acting "old". It was the summer we put to bed the debate about who was taller as you already towered over me. Nothing changed in this respect as the boys are both taller and I never grew beyond that height even after all the beans I ate! We literally had no worries in the world. I don't remember feeling so free since that summer.

Your departure leaped me into adulthood much sooner than I could have imagined. I realise now that you never truly get over loosing someone that you love. Or maybe ten years is too soon to get over it. I will let you know if I am over it in another 10 years if I am still here. Every time I see people your age it makes me sad at all the things you could have achieved. Your friend Lola is getting married this month and I know it is not easy for Mum to help organise it (especially as she wants me to be married already too, but that is a story for another day!). I randomly burst into tears sometimes when I see someone that looks like you, or reminds me of you in the most fleeting way. I especially feel a hole when I see sisters, because that is a gap that no one can ever fill in my life.

But all in all, I think your departure has made me more eager to live my life in the most fulfilled way possible. I try to be a good person, to have fun, to smile and enjoy each moment. I appreciate everyday my loved ones are alive and healthy. This year has been rough for me emotionally but the good news is that I get to meet the Queen of England for my work with Sickle cell! I will send her your regards!













I miss you my darling sister. I pray for you my dear Bisola. I love you. 




7 comments:

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